Maybe I Could’ve Made You Believe

I’m occasionally 85 percent certain that I’ll never be satisfied.

I’ve seen her once this summer. No, I take that back. I technically saw her twice. The first time I’m not counting, though. She was off in her own little world, and I was off in mine. We were in the same room for sure, but we might as well have been, I don’t know, 1400 miles apart. Which happens to be how far apart we are when we’re both at school. Roughly 1400 miles between Louisiana (me) and Connecticut (her). There really wasn’t much difference.

A close mutual friend of ours had some people over his house one surface-of-the-sun hot Saturday afternoon awhile ago. We just sat on his back porch, and watched as new guests came and went. And then there she was.

We all had a great time, me and her included. We were talking, joking, laughing. It was great. Well, that’s 79 percent true.

Yeah, I was having a good time. The thing is, though, I still have these immense feelings for her.

I was hoping that they would’ve quit on me a long time ago. I mean, I rarely ever see her. Even when I do see her, I don’t fool myself into thinking that we’re anything more than very casual friends. You know? She won’t be calling me to hang out or chat anytime soon. And vice versa.

Part of me is glad about that, though I shouldn’t be. I’d like to think that since we aren’t the closest of friends, there’s always the chance that, somewhere down the line, we could become something more. But I’m not stupid. She has no feelings for me. This is it.

I’ve been thinking about her a lot tonight. I don’t know why. I haven’t seen since that day at our friend’s house, which was a while ago by now. I don’t know when the next time I see her will be. I haven’t talked to her. No one has talked to me about her, told me what she’s been up to. There’s no reason for her to be on my mind right now. No reason at all.

But I’ve been thinking a lot about her tonight.

I don’t pretend to know a lot of things. The one thing that I do know right now, though, is that I’m tired of pretending that I don’t care. That I don’t care that we’re only friends. That I don’t care that I never see her.

That I don’t care that she doesn’t care.

Things Such As These Make Me Think From Time to Time

Let’s say I have this Friend, right?

This Friend had a little bit of a crush on this Girl in high school.  Not crazy, over-the-top, in love feelings. No, this Friend didn’t know this Girl that well at all. But this Friend always thought that this Girl was very, very cute.

Fast forward through high school, and through this Friend’s first year of college. During that summer, this Friend ended up at a party that this Girl was also at. This Friend starts to think that, well, maybe he’ll chat this Girl up. See what happens. He still does have a bit of a crush on this Girl. And this Friend and this Girl have had many very pleasant Facebook wall discussions. They happen to have the same taste in music. Which this Friend thinks is awesome.

So this Friend sees this Girl at the party. Doesn’t talk to her. Yes, he has a bit of a crush on her. But, like I said, this Friend didn’t know this Girl in high school that well at all. He still hopes, though.

But, something happens which this Friend doesn’t expect. It turns out that a Friend of this Friend happens to really like this Girl.

Now, this Friend doesn’t know that this Friend of this Friend is necessarily going to go ahead and woo this Girl. But, this puts this Friend in a very awkward position. Either this Friend is very very fortunate, and this Girl falls for him. Or this Friend of a Friend is fortunate. Or nothing happens.

Either way, it will be tough for this Friend. He’s disappointed that he might not end up with this Girl, who we seems to like even more the more he thinks about her. Again, even though he doesn’t really know her that well.

Or, he ends up with the Girl, and could quite possibly make things between this Friend and this Friend of a Friend very very awkward.

Here’s hoping this Friend of mine gets it all figured out. I don’t like when this Friend of mine is feeling down.